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Archive for the Abbott and Costello skits Category


Milking a Cow

Abbott and Costello’s milking a cow routine, done in the movie Ride ‘em Cowboy as well as on television in the Colgate Comedy Hour TV series — where Lou misunderstand “udder” vs “other” Bud Abbott: Do you know how to milk a cow? Lou Costello: Do I know how to milk a cow? Bud Abbott: Do [...]

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Abbott and Costello loafing script

A classic Abbott and Costello routine, where Lou Costello misunderstands that by “loafing” — Bud Abbott means that he’s making loaves of bread in a bakery; not loafing around the house like Costello! Taken from their classic television series, The Abbott and Costello Show. Bud Abbott: I had to get a job! You don’t want [...]

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I’ve got twenty, too – Abbott and Costello

This is a classic Abbott and Costello skit, relying on Lou Costello mistaking the phrase “twenty, too” for the number “twenty two” — taken from the Abbott and Costello film, Rio Rita, where Bud and Lou are trying to divide forty pieces of fruit evenly between themselves …

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Loan me 50 dollars – Abbott and Costello

Abbott and Costello skit – Loan me 50 dollars One of the classic Abbott and Costello routines, where Bud Abbott takes advantage of a common math mistake that we all make to fleece his pal, Lou Costello, out of all of his money.  The skit ends with a simple ‘read my mind’ routine that could [...]

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You’re 40 She’s 10 – Abbott and Costello

A classic Abbott and Costello skit, where Bud Abbott tries to play a prank on Lou Costello, only for Lou to use his clownish math skills.

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Two Tens for a Five – Abbott and Costello

Two Tens for a five routine, made famous by Bud Abbott and Lou Costello  A classic Abbott and Costello routine, from their first movie, A Night in the Tropics, where Bud Abbott shows that he’s not above running a quick scam on his friend, Lou Costello, in order to make a few dollars. Bud Abbott: [...]

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Vitamin Skit – Abbott and Costello

The Vitamin Skit, with Abbott and Costello (note: this routine is taken from the Abbott and Costello radio show) Lou Costello: Hey Abbott! Bud Abbott: Costello what are you doing skipping around like that? Lou Costello: Oh you see me skippin’ eh? Its the doctors orders. Bud Abbott: The doctor told you to skip? Lou Costello: He gave me these [...]

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Sandwich and a Cup of Coffee – Abbott and Costello

Abbott and Costello’s, Turkey Sandwich and Cup of Coffee routine from “Keep ‘Em Flying“, 1941. Blackie (Bud Abbott) and Heathcliff (Lou Costello), having been unsuccessful at entering through the gates of the Cal-Aero, Army Air Corps flight training academy, enter the U.S.O. club and approach the lunch counter with only one quarter between them and [...]

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I bet you that you’re not here – Abbott and Costello

I bet you that you’re not here—Abbott and Costello routine In the movie The Noose Hangs High, there’s a very funny routine, where Abbott and Costello are being guarded by a gangster—and Bud Abbott decides to bet their warden that Bud can prove that the gangster isn’t there!  It’s a classic piece of clown logic, that gets [...]

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Gold Ore – Abbott and Costello

Abbott and Costello skit, Gold Ore Taken from Abbott and Costello’s radio show, although they also did the same basic routine in Lost in Alaska, and in their TV show as well.  The basic premise is that Lou Costello’s Uncle has struck gold in Alaska, and Lou and Mr. Fields discuss mining for gold…

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