Abbott and Costello skit – Loan me 50 dollars

One of the classic Abbott and Costello routines, where Bud Abbott takes advantage of a common math mistake that we all make to fleece his pal, Lou Costello, out of all of his money.  The skit ends with a simple ‘read my mind’ routine that could be used as a clown bit all by itself.  This routine was done many times, both in the movies and their radio show.

Bud Abbott: Do me a favor, loan me $50.
Lou Costello: Bud, I can’t. I can’t loan you $50.
Bud Abbott: Oh, yes, ya can.
Lou Costello: No, I can’t. All I got is $40.
Bud Abbott: All right, give me the $40 and you’ll owe me 10  Continue reading →

A classic Abbott and Costello skit, where Bud Abbott tries to play a prank on Lou Costello, only for Lou to use his clownish math skills. Continue reading →

Two Tens for a five routine, made famous by Bud Abbott and Lou Costello

 A classic Abbott and Costello routine, from their first movie, A Night in the Tropics, where Bud Abbott shows that he’s not above running a quick scam on his friend, Lou Costello, in order to make a few dollars.

Bud Abbott: Have you got two tens for a five? Continue reading →

The Vitamin Skit, with Abbott and Costello

(note: this routine is taken from the Abbott and Costello radio show)

Lou Costello: Hey Abbott!

Bud Abbott: Costello what are you doing skipping around like that?

Lou Costello: Oh you see me skippin’ eh? Its the doctors orders.

Bud Abbott: The doctor told you to skip?

Lou Costello: He gave me these bottle of pills see, take pills one a day and skip the next.

Bud Abbott: Oh! Continue reading →

Abbott and Costello’s, Turkey Sandwich and Cup of Coffee routine from “Keep ‘Em Flying“, 1941.

Blackie (Bud Abbott) and Heathcliff (Lou Costello), having been unsuccessful at entering through the gates of the Cal-Aero, Army Air Corps flight training academy, enter the U.S.O. club and approach the lunch counter with only one quarter between them and take their seats. Gloria (Martha Raye, playing the parts of twin sisters Gloria and Barbara) waits on them from behind the counter. Continue reading →

I bet you that you’re not here—Abbott and Costello routine

In the movie The Noose Hangs High, there’s a very funny routine, where Abbott and Costello are being guarded by a gangster—and Bud Abbott decides to bet their warden that Bud can prove that the gangster isn’t there!  It’s a classic piece of clown logic, that gets even better when the gangster decides to win his money back by making the same bet with Lou Costello—only for Lou to turn the tables on him!  It’s virtually a verbatim clown skit as is, but you’ll want to be sure to add some visual clowning to it, since it’s primarily a verbal routine. Continue reading →

Abbott and Costello skit, Gold Ore

Taken from Abbott and Costello’s radio show, although they also did the same basic routine in Lost in Alaska, and in their TV show as well.  The basic premise is that Lou Costello’s Uncle has struck gold in Alaska, and Lou and Mr. Fields discuss mining for gold… Continue reading →

A classic Abbott and Costello routine from their radio show – where Bud Abbott is talking about his Uncle Herman who works in a dye factory, and Lou Costello confuses “dyeing” for “dieing” — with minimal effort, it could be turned into a gospel ministry skit, at the end the clown taking Bud’s part talking about dying, spiritual death and eternal life.

Bud Abbott: You’d better take that suit over to my Uncle Herman’s, At the Kurt Dry Cleaning Plant.
Lou Costello: Dry Cleaning Plant? What’s your Uncle Herman doing there?
Bud Abbott: Well this is Wednesday, He’s dyeing today.
Lou Costello:  That’s terrible Abbott, I didn’t even know he was sick.
Bud Abbott: Oh, He isn’t sick, he’s dyeing.
Lou Costello:  He’s dying and he isn’t sick? Continue reading →

A classic Abbott and Costello routine, in the style of Who’s on First?, where Bud Abbott tries to explain electricity —  Watts and Volts — only to have Lou Costello think that he’s talking about What’s and Votes.  From their movie, Who Done It? Interestingly, it was improvised on the spot as they were filming, and reportedly has the other cast and crew in stitches.

Cop: He got 10,000 volts.
Lou Costello: That’s enough to elect anybody, he should be president.
Bud Abbott: No, not that kind.
Lou Costello: What kind?
Bud Abbott: Volts.
Lou Costello: That’s what I said, he got 10,000. Continue reading →

Hertz U-Drive routine, originally performed on Abbott and Costello‘s radio program.

Bud Abbott: Oh, you can cause more trouble! We were going to the eight-to-the-bar-ranch to ask the Andrews Sisters to appear on our show. And YOU wrecked the car we were going to use! Well, now we’ll have to rent a car

Lou Costello: Well, lets get another car! [Bud and Lou pick up momentum here—fast paced]

Bud Abbott: We’ll have to!

Lou Costello: But where can we get one?

Bud Abbott: A U drive

Lou Costello: Me drive?

Bud Abbott: No … U drive!

Lou Costello: I said I’d drive

Bud Abbott: You don’t drive it. I drive it Continue reading →