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The DaVinci Conspiracy

The DaVinci Conspiracy – a skit for 2 speaking clowns, poking holes in Dan Brow’s DaVinci Code, original by Raynbow the Clown

A skit for 2 speaking clowns, typically a white face and an auguste, although any 2 clowns would do.
Clown Props: A large (or foam) Bible, a slapstick (or foam bat, or even a cotton sock with white powder inside if nothing else is available), trench coat, magnifying glass (clown size), paperback book

Whiteface (walks to center stage, addresses audience): Ladies and gentlemen, welcome.  My partner and I are here to address the movie and book “The DaVinci Code” by Dan Brown.  Although a work of fiction, it might influence the ignorant or weak-minded (at this, his partner walks out in a trench coat, holding a magnifying glass and paperback book).

Auguste: You called?

Whiteface: Where have you been?  We’re supposed to be helping the people understand some of the errors in “The DaVinci Code.”Auguste (

Auguste (reacts wildly): Aha! I knew it!  You’re part of the conspiracy!Whiteface (

Whiteface (perplexed): Conspiracy?Auguste (

Auguste (not unlike Fox Mulder of “The X-Files”): Yes!  The vast global conspiracy that Dan Brown discovered and wrote about!Whiteface (

Whiteface (reacting): Oh, no …August: See, it says right here that Christianity is a centuries-old

August: See, it says right here that Christianity is a centuries-old conspiracy dating back to when the Emperor Constantine held a famous meeting called the council of Nicea, where the divinity of Jesus was debated!  I quote: “Until that moment in history, Jesus was viewed by his followers as a mortal prophet .. a great and powerful man, but a man nonetheless.  A mortal.” (slams the book shut triumphantly) See?  And it’s been thoroughly researched by Mr. Brown, so it must be true!

Whiteface (sighs, reacts, responds) Then why did the Apostle Thomas worship Jesus as “my Lord and my God” after His resurrection?

Auguste (perplexed): uh … well, maybe worshipping didn’t … um … thoroughly researched … ah … I don’t know (head droops)

Whiteface: Do you remember what happened when the Apostle John tried to worship an angel? (Revelation 22:8)

Auguste: Um, well, no, I don’t, off the top of my head …

Whiteface:  The angel said, (picks up the slapstick or whatever and starts comically beating the Auguste with it) Don’t do it! (beatings) I’m your fellow servant (beatings) worship God!

Auguste: Owwww.  Um, I see …

Whiteface: And do remember what an angel told Samson’s parents when they wanted to worship the angel with a sacrifice?

Auguste: No, not really …

Whiteface (interrupting the Auguste with the beating): Don’t do it! Sacrifice (beatings) to the Lord God! (beatings)

Auguste (reacting): owwww.

Whiteface: And what did Jesus do when Thomas worshipped Him?

Auguste: Beat him with a stick?

Whiteface:  (firmly) No.  (gently) Jesus accepted Thomas’ worship because He was God.  Jesus said, “Before Abraham was, I Am” – the very name of God.  The Apostle John wrote of Jesus that “in the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God.” The Apostle Paul wrote “one Lord Jesus Christ, by whom are all things, and we by him.” And other early believers worshipped Jesus as God, as well. not just the apostles.  People like Justin Martyr, Iraneus, Ignatius of Antioch and many more.  You see, Mr. Brown is wrong.  Jesus was always believed by his followers to be God—it wasn’t something that people added hundreds of years later.

Auguste: But—what about that exhaustive research?

Whiteface: (gently taking book out of the Auguste’s hands) See here where it says “fiction?”

Auguste: Yeeeeess?

Whiteface: That means “make-believe.”

Auguste: (light bulb comes on, dimly) Ohhh!  But … (imitating Fox Mulder again) The truth is out there!

Whiteface: No, friend, the truth (picks up large Bible) is in here … if you’d only take the time to read it.

About

Tom Raymond, aka. Raynbow the Clown, has been a professional clown and balloon twister for over 15 years, and runs several clown-related websites such as Famous Clowns, Best Clean Funny Jokes

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